Sunday, August 29, 2010


"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."

- Dorothy Nevill

All my life, I have been the "say it like it is" woman. I joke, mostly in an uncomfortable way, about how I have no filter between my brain and my mouth. Things just come out - good things and bad things - with usually no immediate regard for the feelings of the person that I'm talking with.

I used to think that was a good thing, that I was the person least likely to lie. It's recently become more apparent, as I begin to approach 30, that perhaps I need to adjust the way that I choose to express myself.

I always think that I want people to be bluntly honest with me, to tell me what I need to hear and not what they think I need to hear. Yet, when something hurtful comes out of their mouths, I bristle. My feelings get hurt (although I would never admit to that or show any weakness in the moment). I want to be coddled a bit.

Perhaps other people want the same thing. Sometimes I feel like an emotional robot, painting by the numbers. I follow the flow chart of behavior - if A than B, followed by C or D as the situation dictates. It's often hard for me to wrap my brain around actual human emotion. I never had the chance to feel those things as a child due to my childhood experiences and sometimes I feel like I'm never going to keep up.

This has been one hell of a year for personal revelations.


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