"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."
- Dorothy Nevill
All my life, I have been the "say it like it is" woman. I joke, mostly in an uncomfortable way, about how I have no filter between my brain and my mouth. Things just come out - good things and bad things - with usually no immediate regard for the feelings of the person that I'm talking with.
I used to think that was a good thing, that I was the person least likely to lie. It's recently become more apparent, as I begin to approach 30, that perhaps I need to adjust the way that I choose to express myself.
I always think that I want people to be bluntly honest with me, to tell me what I need to hear and not what they think I need to hear. Yet, when something hurtful comes out of their mouths, I bristle. My feelings get hurt (although I would never admit to that or show any weakness in the moment). I want to be coddled a bit.
Perhaps other people want the same thing. Sometimes I feel like an emotional robot, painting by the numbers. I follow the flow chart of behavior - if A than B, followed by C or D as the situation dictates. It's often hard for me to wrap my brain around actual human emotion. I never had the chance to feel those things as a child due to my childhood experiences and sometimes I feel like I'm never going to keep up.
This has been one hell of a year for personal revelations.