Fear.

"Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life."

- Donald Miller

On a daily basis, I'm faced with fear. I'm a naturally anxious person, though I hide it well under a facade of "I don't give a fuck." Cool as a cucumber, my mom would say. I remember joking with one of my best friends about how ordinary people can go outside to the mailbox at 10 o'clock at night and enjoy the cool breeze, the crunch of the grass under their feet.... while I wait for the serial killer to jump out from behind the bush and slit my throat.

Sounds crazy, but it's true.


I'm the product of my environment. My mother is a natural worrier. For instance, when I moved into my very first apartment by myself, the first thing she did was make me check all the windows so I didn't get raped. I mean it. Raped. I'm a young, 20-something and the first thought she seeps into my new place is the possibility of sexual assault.

No wonder I'm a wack-job.


But, while I agree that fear is the reason most people live such boring lives, it's also pushed me in some interesting directions. Fear is the reason I write. Fear is the reason I do roller derby. Fear is what makes me a great parent. Fear can be a motivator just as surely as it can be an anchor holding you back. It's all in how you look at it.